Memories
Spiraling cruel and hurtful
Always turning
Always spinning
Always ending
Right where they began
Right Where They Began
Ebb Away my Happiness
Can you ebb away my happiness?
I don’t want to hope
Memories break down on me
Broken glass, a shattered trope
Can you bring me realization?
A world too physical to breathe
I need to not drift elsewhere
I need truth too sharp to sheath
To Mend a Broken Heart after Grief
To mend a broken heart after grief
Is to stitch it full of scars
Never beating the same
Never loving the same
But always hurting the same
When memories turn to shards
Therapy Leaves Me Broken Every Time
Therapy doesn’t work like I thought it would. I don’t leave a session crestfallen, but broken, memories on the surface of my mind. But sometimes you need to rebreak something to heal it right. Sometimes the hardest part of healing is rewiring your brain to love yourself.
Gender Revealed and 2nd + 3rd Child Comparing Pregnant Figures at 14 weeks
First off, we had our gender reveal party. As you can see from the above picture for our last baby we are being blessed with our third girl. As you can also see we had a lot of fun with the gender reveal and the party went great. 🙂 I’m so happy that our idea worked and we were able to dig through whipped cream with our faces in the beautiful sunshine to find the pink or blue pacifier. No one knew the gender except the two people we had open the envelope minutes before to put the blue or pink pacifier in the pie pan of their choosing and cover it with whipped cream. No one also knew, except my husband and I, how we had planned to present the reveal. Everyone was laughing and so surprised and excited when we had them come out to all the whipped creamed pies lined up in a row. It definitely worked out better than I thought it would.  My husband is the one who found the pacifier, but I was the one who got to wipe it off and tell the crowd the gender with it still in his mouth.
The next picture I have posted is me at 14 weeks with my second child on the left and me at 14 weeks with my third child on the right. It looks like working out with weights and programs on top of running and biking instead of just running like I was doing in my last pregnancy is definitely making a difference. Even though my abs and four pack I had are slowly going away, I’m keeping my figure longer. The baby is continuing to grow at to me what feels like a fast rate. Every day the movements are stronger and now my husband can even find her right away with his hand and feel her movements without as much effort as he had to put in before. I’m interested to see if the difference will keep progressing. Happily I am still having more energy than I did in my first trimester so the work outs are not as hard as they were a couple weeks ago. I’m also excited that in less than two weeks we are having an elective ultrasound and get to see the baby and how much she has grown.
It’s Not About Being Flawless
We all have goals. We all have dreams. We all have places we see ourselves in however many years, and in order to get to those things that we desire, we work hard for them. We push ourselves so we can have our dream body. We practice so we can be great writers, runners, dancers, workers, or whatever else we want to be near perfect at. We get frustrated. We get paranoid. We get to be really hard on ourselves when we aren’t as close to our achievements as we want to be. We start pinpointing all the flaws in our plans and our goals. We start detecting all the little imperfections we see in ourselves that we perceive as being in the way of what we want. We start putting ourselves down and bullying ourselves. We start making unfair judgments towards what to expect from ourselves. We start to become not a friend anymore to our body and soul, but a critic with harsh assessments. We start to lose focus on what is really important. We lose sight on why we are here living on this earth. We forget what keeps us up and what keeps us going. We no longer have fun.
Life isn’t about being perfect, flawless, or the best. Life is all about having fun while you do what you do. It is about making memories and enjoying yourself. It is about loving every step you take on your journey to become who you want to be. What is the point of doing the things we work so hard on and waste most of our life on if we aren’t enjoying ourselves while doing it? We only have this one lifetime that we will remember, why not fill it up with great memories? Why not have more to celebrate than just the fact that you reached your goal? Celebrate the fact that you reached your achievements and have a ton of fun recollections from the passage. Have fun! Celebrate life! Have a blast while you become the best you at whatever you want to be! Don’t fret over being the most perfect person that is ever around. You will only lose yourself in the process and when you get to where you want to be, you will feel empty and irritated at yourself for taking so much time to get to where you are, but not feeling how you expected to feel. Enjoy yourself! Love the life you are living! Love yourself! AND HAVE FUN!!!
Regaining Lost Aspects: Mind and Soul 