On To the Second Trimester


If you follow me at all you may have noticed that my posts have been less consistent than I would like them to be lately.  I am a very scheduled person and love making sure I do what I need to do every week for my body, mind, and soul. One of those things that help my mind and soul tremendously is writing, but I’ve been having to sadly put that aside some days and even weeks because we are preparing for our third and final baby that is planned to arrive in our arms this coming March. My children are obviously my number one priority. Everything I do is for them and if you are a parent you know how incredibly impossible it is to do just about anything with them around. I am trying to write this now with my two year old crying in the chair besides me because she wants my full on attention…. It is frustrating that I can not read like I used to and desire to and that I can’t write like I love to, but I know it is worth it because they will only be children for a short amount of time and that is time that I won’t get back, Hopefully after they have grown up some more I will finally have time to myself to do what I love to do without having any regrets because I know that I did everything I could and wanted to do for and with them. With this being our last baby we are going to try to go all out with this pregnancy because we know that we won’t get the chance to do this all again. So right now we have been busy adjusting to moving our two year old into our five year old’s room and planning a gender reveal party. Then it will move on to the bigger planning and preparing along with trying to make sure we make the holidays, weekends, and life as fun and memorable for our children as possible. So briefly as I was saying, we are at a tiring part of our life at the moment that has been keeping me from writing my poems, books, and blog posts as much as I would love to.

Anyway, the posts I will be posting most about when I get to it will be about the pregnancy only because I am trying to make this the fittest pregnancy that I have had. This goal isn’t and hasn’t been easy to achieve because as I have posted before I have Hashimoto’s disease. With this pregnancy my levels haven’t been working out for me and my body. When I first went in obviously my levels were too low, so they changed my dosage of levothyroxine and then a month later I got retested and my levels had never changed. That in itself is frustrating and makes not getting depressed, working out, and having any energy for anything hard. Also it makes it easier for your body to pack on the pounds no matter what you eat or do. Well, I have still stuck to my workout schedule without fail since it is more of a habit and way of life for me than anything, which makes it a little easier for me to continue no matter how dead I feel. All through this first trimester I managed to run, bike, and workout and still have my healthy baby inside me through all the tiredness, hypothyrodism, and nausea. Strangely, I had come to realize during that time that on Sundays when I don’t work out that I was the most tired that I had been all week and that I could barely make it through the day. So, I guess it is definitely true that exercise helps fight back fatigue in pregnancy. Waking up at 5 or 6 am and getting it done has definitely been a life saver for me.

My last statement before I end this super long possibly unnecessary post is a short statement about my previous two pregnancies. I want to make this clear before I possibly get any backlash about my way of life during my pregnancy when I start posting my progressions, comparisons, and work-out schedules. With my first pregnancy, I only walked because I was too afraid to do anything else. Every day I would only walk for three miles or more, even though made me miss running like crazy especially if I saw another runner run by. My child was born healthy in only three and a half hours weighing exactly seven pounds. In my second pregnancy I ran throughout the whole pregnancy about three and a half miles five days a week. My second child was born even healthier than the first in only two and a half hours and weighed eight pounds, six ounces. I am excited to take this last pregnancy on with more focus on fitness than the last two. I have no fear that whatsoever that the baby won’t be more than OK and of course if told by the doctors that an issue has sprung up I will make it known and stop my course of action. This is me at 12 weeks pregnant. We will see how things go and progress and if I will be able to make this my fittest pregnancy.




Illness is Always Hard to Deal With

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One thing that is hard for everyone and anyone to deal with is illness. It is difficult knowing that you could feel “normal” and enjoy every little ounce of life, but you feel like you can’t because you have some malady holding you back. It is hard constantly having your body remind you that you are sick and tired making it near impossible to ignore your illness that is screaming at you to have a bad time. It doesn’t matter if you just got the illness or if you have been living with an illness for what seems like forever. It always sucks and it always hard to deal with.

I was diagnosed with my chronic disease when I was really little. Most people get hypothyroidism when they are older, but I was one of the “lucky” few to get it when I was a kid. Being a child and having to get poked with needles all the time and having to take a pill everyday to stay afloat and feel OK, sucked. And it still sucks today. It sucks knowing that my life and enjoyment depends on that pill. It sucks knowing that one day that pill might stop working for me like my Synthroid decided to randomly stop working years ago. It sucks knowing that I will never get better and that everyday I have to push myself harder than most people to have the body that I want. It sucks not understanding my emotions most of the time and getting depressed when I have absolutely no reason to be depressed at all anymore. And it sucks even worse when you find out you also have an autoimmune disease, and that now your body has decided to start attacking your thyroid when it already was having a hard time doing its job before. So illnesses suck. Any which kind of illness sucks and any which kind of illness is hard to deal with.

Besides the fact that it is harder to enjoy yourself and do what you need to do with an illness, it are also scary because you don’t know what to expect. Our bodies are amazing, but have many flaws. All we can do when we have an illness is to just try to deal with it in the best way possible and try to find the good things in as many things as we possibly can. But it is OK and there is no reason at all to feel guilty for sometimes wanting to give up, for sometimes feeling bad for yourself, for sometimes feeling angry at the world, or for sometimes crying your eyes out for something that you cannot change. Illness is not fair. We didn’t ask for it. We sometimes didn’t even do anything to deserve it. We are only human and our minds, like our bodies can only take so much and sometimes needs a little break from being strong and should be allowed to let go for a second. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to scream. You are allowed to stop holding up the world for a brief moment so you can catch your breath.

I’m not saying completely give up and that life isn’t worth living when you have an illness. The opposite is actually true because on your good days, which we all have, things are more precious and more enjoyable than they typically would have been because you have fought so hard to be standing where you are at the moment to enjoy them. All I am saying is it is OK to let yourself feel for a moment. It is OK to acknowledge that life isn’t fair before you tackle your dreams. It is OK to be sick because sick or not you matter, and you will become the best person you can be and we will all look up to you for it. Illnesses suck, but you don’t have to suck along with it.