From a Vulnerable Place

This week has been a very vulnerable week, as I write this from a different state about to attend a funeral. From the recent death, all the rejections I’ve gotten so far, and dipping my toes into a past that threatens to drown me, I would say that it has been challenging mentally. I tried to find a poem I have done in the past this morning before having to get ready that didn’t sting and burn to the touch of a thought, but the only one I found was one that I thought fits well to the day I had yesterday.

Resentment inhabits me from so long ago.

Alone. My family’s eyes boring into me.

Always the outcast.

No one by my side.

I never want the same for you.

Kerf in a Forest

She was a greenhorn

who made a kerf in a tree

but little did she know

the forest wasn’t pleased.

Eyes were all watching

hidden nearby

All could care less

that she was told only lies.

Sent out to awaken

the monsters of the leaves

but little did she know

the demon she unleashed.

Sorrows of Failure in the River of Dreams

Lost in my River of Dreams,

warring against the current that propels me in directions I don’t want to go,

I drown in sorrows of failure, but have glorious breath when my face rises.

I hope to reach a time where air is a given

and dreams become the land where I can walk.

May we all reach that land where we can live out our dreams and not be lost in the river forever. Keep fighting, keep rising for breath, and keep against the current that tries to pull you under.

Be a “Dope” If It Means Following your Passion

Most times a “dope”

Who sticks to his “dopey” things

Will make everyone out to be “dopes” in the end.

Examples:

*Gamers grow to make world-known games

*Someone who can’t communicate grows to help millions of kids learn to connect

*The class clown becomes a famous comedian

Then there is you. Stick to your passions and follow your dreams.

(Thought after the sad poem, I would write something funny / inspiring thanks to a #vss prompt this morning. The message : Don’t Judge. Not even yourself. Keep being you and keep following your passions because they may be the clearest road to your dreams <3)

When Was It?

When was it that I broke?

When was it when I couldn’t take rejection any longer?

When was it that I closed myself off and wouldn’t let myself feel or be happy?

I remember that carefree self who always reached.

And wanted nothing more than to love.

But now, a distant memory, I stand alone.

Only a comfort to myself.

I Play Ventriloquist

I play the ventriloquist.

Begging you for help.

But I don’t let you see

the words forming from my mouth.

I need you to step in,

when I’m sinking in to do’s.

House work, school work, three children.

Way too much to do.

Sports take all evening.

E-learning takes all day.

Let’s not forget meal prepping

and bathing not too late.

Myself is losing focus.

Forgetting who I am.

No time for self reflection.

No time for where I stand.

This is for the parents out there struggling. I feel you. We normally live a very busy life with three daughters and we have a very busy schedule. Lately along with the rest of the world, our lives have gotten way more stressful and chaotic as we fight to do the right things while trying not to take away from the children. I choose to live a very full life with them and right now with them all so young it is very easy to lose who I am. I am so very thankful and lucky to have a husband who battles time along with me to help save my self identity. He helps me make time and pushes me to follow my dreams so that after parenthood I will not have lost myself. I know that not everyone has that. So if you do not have that person, you need to be that person. As hard as it is to find time for yourself and for your goals, you need to keep on fighting. You are YOUR savior. I choose to conquer one small goal at a time each day no matter how small. You can do the same. You can do that and be in this battle right along with me and countless others to save our true selves who we have pushed away. We are all in this Battle for Self Identity together all fighting our own obstacles. We can have the role of parent and take on the smaller battles until we have time to tackle the bigger ones when we can focus more on ourselves. You can do both. You can be a parent and fight not losing yourself. Just work on not letting your true self slip away behind all the chores, sports, cooking, cleaning, and mile long lists. We are in this together. Be true to yourself, forgive yourself, and know that you are YOUR savior. Give yourself time.

The Poetess

The musk of her words

Brings tears

like rainfall.

A weeping rain.

Heart caged.

Pulling at the bite.

The poetess.

Destroyer of Content.

The Bringer of the Real.

Keeper of the Imprints of Hearts.

When her words fall,

the world aches.

And there is no thing as a better place or time.

Gleaming Stardust

The sunset slept

with a golden hue

blinking the day to dusk.

The moonlight sang

gleaming down on you.

Your skin a kiss of stardust.