I Play Ventriloquist

I play the ventriloquist.

Begging you for help.

But I don’t let you see

the words forming from my mouth.

I need you to step in,

when I’m sinking in to do’s.

House work, school work, three children.

Way too much to do.

Sports take all evening.

E-learning takes all day.

Let’s not forget meal prepping

and bathing not too late.

Myself is losing focus.

Forgetting who I am.

No time for self reflection.

No time for where I stand.

This is for the parents out there struggling. I feel you. We normally live a very busy life with three daughters and we have a very busy schedule. Lately along with the rest of the world, our lives have gotten way more stressful and chaotic as we fight to do the right things while trying not to take away from the children. I choose to live a very full life with them and right now with them all so young it is very easy to lose who I am. I am so very thankful and lucky to have a husband who battles time along with me to help save my self identity. He helps me make time and pushes me to follow my dreams so that after parenthood I will not have lost myself. I know that not everyone has that. So if you do not have that person, you need to be that person. As hard as it is to find time for yourself and for your goals, you need to keep on fighting. You are YOUR savior. I choose to conquer one small goal at a time each day no matter how small. You can do the same. You can do that and be in this battle right along with me and countless others to save our true selves who we have pushed away. We are all in this Battle for Self Identity together all fighting our own obstacles. We can have the role of parent and take on the smaller battles until we have time to tackle the bigger ones when we can focus more on ourselves. You can do both. You can be a parent and fight not losing yourself. Just work on not letting your true self slip away behind all the chores, sports, cooking, cleaning, and mile long lists. We are in this together. Be true to yourself, forgive yourself, and know that you are YOUR savior. Give yourself time.

The Poetess

The musk of her words

Brings tears

like rainfall.

A weeping rain.

Heart caged.

Pulling at the bite.

The poetess.

Destroyer of Content.

The Bringer of the Real.

Keeper of the Imprints of Hearts.

When her words fall,

the world aches.

And there is no thing as a better place or time.

Gleaming Stardust

The sunset slept

with a golden hue

blinking the day to dusk.

The moonlight sang

gleaming down on you.

Your skin a kiss of stardust.

The Kingdom You Made, I Protect

Look at all these little ones

Made from me of you

Genetics run deep

Something I know you knew

The gift of the reader

The teller of stories

The passion of makers

They all hold your glory

We are your kinship

Although not worth your day

Your kingdom is here

I protect what you slay

A Writer’s Prayer

Rip the raw power of song and verse from my heart

Expel my pleas in notes to touch a soul

Gift me meaning to life

Vitality to feel

And words to express

Grant me the need to construct meanings to emotions

And apprehension to grasp the rules of the world

Rules that form chaos

Rules that confound

Rules that drown people too deep

Help me lift them out

Before they drown again

Man of My Dreams (Poem)

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Man of My Dreams

You are the man of my dreams.

You are the man of my world.

You fill up my being.

You grant me my thrills.

You hold onto my heart.

You deliver me hope.

You conquer my dark.

You never let me go.

Thankful for you,

I always will be.

You are the love of my life.

You are the man of my dreams.

Spreading Thin

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I’m breaking 
I’m failing 
I’m tearing at the seams 
I’m hopeless
I’m trying 
 growing more tired it only seems
Can’t hold myself together 
Can’t talk with any skill
Can’t get through the day
With any extra time to fill
I’m running
I’m planning 
Trying not to break down
 I’m working
I’m grasping
No comfort to be found 
I’m fauxing a smile
That’s getting worse every day
I’m trying to breathe without crying 
Trying to keep monsters at bay
But every day they seep closer
I’m closer to giving up
Just need some time to rest
Just need some time to slump
Need some time for myself
Time I’ll never have
that time doesn’t exist 
In my world or my head
Need as much time as i can savor
For my dreams and my goals
When in reality I’m failing 
Dying, becoming skin and bones
I’m running myself ragged
Running myself sick 
Trying too hard for everything 
Spreading myself thin

I Found You (Poem)

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Decided to display one of my happier poems today because I sure need the distraction and reminder of love from the things I’m stressing about in life right now <3. Hope it can help you too if you need it.

I Found You

I found you.

The one half to form my two,

my twin flame, my lover, my friend,

the one to make my search end,

I found you.

The one to change my life,

wash away my pain,

and keep me from flight,

happiness soars, sadness out of sight,

I found you.

The one every breath counts on,

the one every dream leans on,

the only one my heart beats from,

I found you.

Yes, I found you.

Finding The Other Half Of Your Soul, But Awaiting His Uncertain Boundless Return Continued

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In my previous post from last week, I explained how my husband worked nonstop which left me countless days and hours with myself. Some days were harder than others and sometimes no matter how hard I tried to keep myself and my mind busy, the doubts, fear, and depression came working their way into my soul. I said I would continue from last weeks post with a few more poems that were deeper and more broken from some of my harder days. Here they are.

Sick Of

Having a hard time holding on.

Too many things broken to fix.

Broken love, broken soul, broken promises

with no mending on your list.

Sick of no time to rebuild.

Sick of no time on your watch.

Sick of little children’s tears

and mommy stuck cleaning up.

Sick of hearing “Where’s daddy?”

Sick of what was important being no more.

Sick of underappreciating 

what once was us before you opened this door.

Don’t know if I can hold on any longer.

Having a hard time not letting go.

Don’t know if we will ever have time to fix this,

since it’s just like you to never show.

 

In Need Of Touchable Nostalgia

Falling apart.

Tears falling down.

Not what I used to be.

No where to be found.

Can’t be a good mommy,

when all I carry is grief.

All I need is to see you.

I need things how they used to be.

 

Want You Back

I loved it when you cared.

I loved it when I could open up.

I loved you when you were you,

before you gave all that up.

You went into the darkness.

The darkness I tried so hard to hide.

Working for things that don’t matter.

No more caring what’s inside.

Dreams are what took you.

Good intentions, you’re falling fast.

Demons are what lead you

down this long lost path.

Please come back to us.

I’m begging for you, please.

Family isn’t what it is without you.

We aren’t what we used to be.

We all cry for you in the distance.

Just wanting you to come home.

We really don’t care about the money.

We just want you back to hold.