Unconditional My Curse

For some reason, I’m stuck being kind to you.

My mind won’t form the chaotic words that seethe on the tip of my tongue.

My eyes won’t glare with the hatred that I know I should feel.

And my heart won’t stop beating with rhyming words of love.

Like a spell slipped under my pillow at night…

I….

Hate myself….

… Unconditional love, my curse.

A Moment, A Second, A minute

A pause

That’s what I need

But time won’t let me have it

A moment

Is what I starve for

With just me and you

A second

Is what I beg for

To get lost in the emotions

A minute

That’s what I plead for

To forget losing you

If I had You

If I had you

I could consult you for a dream

You could teach me lessons

Make my whole self me

We could discuss my shaky future

And make all my goals come true

We could work together

If only I had you

Death of a Family Member

I missed the event I was planning on attending this last Thursday because we were at the visitation of a beloved family member who passed away this last Sunday due to Covid. To tell you Covid is scary is just yelling out into a loud screaming wind. These last few weeks were hell for us along with the nurses and doctors working on my 50 year old father-in-law’s case. The fear, confusion, and sadness are things that I wish no one had to experience in all of this.

This was my father-in-law, Patrick Michaels. He was unconditional love. He was an amazing grandpa, father, brother, cousin, and so many other titles that he always ended up rocking. We loved him dearly and he loved us so much that he fought for his kids and grandkids harder than many of the nurses had seen anyone fight up until his very last breath. Seeing him fight a battle that could not be won was just so devastating. I will honor him and love him forever, but wish that we could have done it while making many more memories.

I am blogging this to honor what a hero you were and always have been. You have raised some amazing children who you live on in. You have created a legacy. I don’t know how many ways you have saved your two sons and daughter spiritually, but I do know that it was enough to build them into the amazing people they are today. Just know that each of your grandkids and their kids will always have a piece of you. You will live on forever in all of our souls and even the ones after. Your love is a love that will stretch generations to come. And your heart is one we will miss the most.

Be a Better Ghost

I have a secret if you want it.

It may sound nice to have a soul that is filled with vanity. To love yourself the most of all.

Sounds like a happy existence.

Maybe.

But there are no awards for these selfish hearts in the afterlife.

Just emptiness.

Be a better ghost.

Thoughts on Sulwe by Lupita Nyong’o

I don’t normally review children’s books because I have not studied up entirely on how to write them. But at the bookstore today this book, Sulwe written by Lupita Nyong’o and illustrated by Vashti Harrison, spoke to me on the shelf. I took it down, flipped a couple of pages, looked at the price, decided it was worth it, and brought it home excited to dive in. It is a book that I will always remember and cherish. In college I actually had a friend whose soul you could tell was hurting when she talked about how dark she was compared to her sister. So this book went straight to my heart and pulled a few strings. The first time I read it I cried. Then the second time I read it to my children I had to keep taking breaks to choke back tears. It is a must have and a necessary read, colored with beautiful illustrations that take your breath away with a flip of a page. I am so thankful I came across this and that now I get to keep it on my shelf forever to bring down whenever I need a moment and a reminder of beauty.

Dressing Up In Dreams

Few things make me extremely happy. Dressing up in fantasy land with my family is one of them! This was a dream come true for me. Also this was a new first and hopefully not a last! Watching these characters that could come from so many stories so full of life and inspiration was so amazing. And what made it even more than amazing was the fact that they were my blood. It was incredible to be able to finally let loose, which is what I have been trying to teach myself to do when it comes to following my heart and passions in this life. To finally be able to be myself with my family and take off the mask I wear every day was memorable and I hope will be impactful for myself when I look at these pictures. A great story will come of this someday! I promise and cannot wait to share!! Maybe one day more passionate dreams will come true and people will be walking around bringing my own characters that I share with the world to life! 🙂

Man of My Dreams (Poem)

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Man of My Dreams

You are the man of my dreams.

You are the man of my world.

You fill up my being.

You grant me my thrills.

You hold onto my heart.

You deliver me hope.

You conquer my dark.

You never let me go.

Thankful for you,

I always will be.

You are the love of my life.

You are the man of my dreams.

I Found You (Poem)

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Decided to display one of my happier poems today because I sure need the distraction and reminder of love from the things I’m stressing about in life right now <3. Hope it can help you too if you need it.

I Found You

I found you.

The one half to form my two,

my twin flame, my lover, my friend,

the one to make my search end,

I found you.

The one to change my life,

wash away my pain,

and keep me from flight,

happiness soars, sadness out of sight,

I found you.

The one every breath counts on,

the one every dream leans on,

the only one my heart beats from,

I found you.

Yes, I found you.